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A Terrible Joke I Made up while Learning German

Updated: Jul 25

(For the record I have not checked whether this joke exists already because if I learned somebody else made it up before me that might just break my heart. If I truly did invent this original joke then this is the original article, you’ve found it, well done).


So there’s this plane travelling to Germany right? And on it, a life jacket and a vintage German sausage are having an argument as to which of them is the best onboard item.


”Well,” says the German sausage, “I taste better.”


”Yeah?” says the life jacket.


”Oh yeah,” said the sausage.


So both the German sausage and life jacket cut a morsel off themselves and place it on the tray of an old lady. The old lady chews on the piece of German sausage with delight but nearly chokes on the piece of life jacket.


”No fair,“ says the life jacket. “Well I bet I’m easier to spot when somebody needs me.”


So both the life jacket and the German sausage hide amongst the plane. After a while the cabin crew spot the bright yellow life jacket between the seats, where as the tiny, sausage remains hidden in shadow.


”Alright alright,” says the sausage. “Well-”


”Gentlemen,” says the flight safety manual, who felt obliged to step in at this point of the useless debate. “Can’t you see? We’re on a plane. Surely the best onboard item is that which helps the passengers the most in a time of emergency.”


”Hang on a minute,” says the German sausage. ”You’re just saying that because you’re a flight safety manual.”


”No, no, I will have no part in this discussion,” the manual insists. “I’m just saying, this is the ultimate tie breaker.”


The life jacket and German sausage ponder on this, when suddenly the aircraft starts to rumble, and begins to nosedive into the ocean. Passengers scream and run around frantically.


”Ladies and Gentlemen, please remains calm and follow the safety instructions,” says the pilot. “This plane is well… crashing.”


After minutes of hysteria and brace positions, the plane lands in the ocean, and the passengers are quick to grab the many life jackets dotted around the plane. The German sausages, however, are all left behind.


”Hey come on!” shouts the German sausage. “Aren’t any of you hungry?” And quickly rolls out of the plane before it all sinks, abandoning his other German sausage brethren.

The German sausage sighs as he bobs around alone in the ocean. Suddenly the old lady from earlier bobs past, she’s wearing the life jacket.


”So,” says the life jacket. “Still think you’re the superior plane item.”


”No no, you’re right,” says the German sausage. “In my hubris I thought my taste and texture made me greater than you. But in their time of need I couldn’t do anything to save the passengers.”


”Well don’t beat yourself up too much,” said the jacket. “After all, I’m sure at least one of them will be famished after this whole ordeal. But you’re right, I did save them.

“And that is why I am the vest, and you are die Wurst.”

***


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